Today is Dexter’s birthday. Born 8 years ago! I will be honest: this day is hard. I just doesn’t seem at all fair that he’s not here to celebrate with us. Not fair at all. I *should* be thankful that I got to celebrate 7 with him. Blah blah blah. Sorry, but that’s just bullshit. Of course I’m glad we got to celebrate seven years with him! Doesn’t mean that I’m not shaking my fist at the world and yelling, “Why???” a little bit.
But we move on. Since we can’t put a party hat on him and feed him a hamburger birthday cake, I figure I should at least offer up a little story about him to mark the day. It’s as close as I can come to a festive story.
Dexter’s destruction didn’t always focus on food. We were never sure why remotes were so tasty during his puppyhood. Zeta ate shoes and pencils, Dexter chose electronics (clearly signaling to us that he was going to be an expensive dog). Later on, laptop bags, backpacks and suitcases were not safe. His ability to open bags – laptop bags, purses, backpacks – was tremendous. At first it was just sheer destruction – ripping them open by whatever means necessary. But through many years of practice, he was eventually able to take a zipper in his mouth ever-so-delicately and open the bag.
Delicate or not, most of the time, his technique did not help him avoid ruining the bag. The combination of slobber and nasty food remnants (from his mouth, from whatever was in your bag) was generally enough to put any bag out of commission, no matter how delicately opened.
Sometimes, though, he’d surprise us with destruction that was completely out of the blue.
I’m not totally sure what led to this one. Nor do I remember the story behind it. Given that it’s his birthday, we will say that he knew we were going to have a party to which he was not going to be invited. He noticed that we had a large bag of fireworks and miscellaneous party supplies in our coat closet. In truth, the fireworks sat there for years, waiting for us to remember that we had them. Apparently Dexter found them first.
…. And, cue the destruction!
I leave it to you to insert the appropriate jokes about what would happen if Dexter passed gas or stood too close to a fire…